Boudreaux!

The Halo Statue
Da Fishin' Pole
Boudreaux meets the Devil!
Boudreaux's Wife Goes Into Labor
Boudreaux Becomes A Pilot
Boudreaux Goes To Vegas
Boudreaux Wins Da Lottry!
Boudreaux's Obituary
Boudreaux Gets A Job
Thibodeaux Checks The Lights
Boudreaux Gets Trapped
To The Porch

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Da Halo Statue
Boudreaux, he go to da big city up North, way up North, around Nawlins. He get lost and don't know his way. Well he find a bar and go inside to get his wife. He ask the bartender "Where's your halo statue?"
Bartender says "We ain't got one."
Boudreaux say "What!? Every bar got a halo statue! Come on now, give me dat halo statue!"
Bartender say "I told you we ain't got one!"
Boudreaux say "Man, cannot you see I'm lost? I need a halo statue!"
Bartender say "Here it is not 10:00 in da morning and you drunk already? We ain't no church, I ain't no minister, and we ain't got no halo statue! You already drunk, you need to leave!"
Boudreaux says "Look man, do I got to spell it out to you? You know dat thing what just hang on the wall, don't do nothing for a long time, then it go ring, ring? Then you pick it up and say 'Halo, statue?' well dats what I need!"

Boudreaux's Wife Goes Into Labor
Boudreaux calls the doctor and shouts, "Doc! Doc! my wife Mathilda she be in labor and da contractions are only two minutes apart!" 
The doctor asked, "Is this her first child?" 
Boudreaux shouts, "No, you idiot, this is her husband!"

Boudreaux Gets A Job
South Central Bell ( a local telephone company in South Louisiana) needs to put up new telephone poles out in Mamou, so they decide to give the contract to the contractors who can install them the fastest. They tell Bayou Pole Installers to work all day installing poles on one side of town, and a Cajun contractor by the name of Boudreaux to install them on the other side. At the end of the day, the SC Bell representative returns to check on their progress.
He sees that Bayou has installed 24 poles that day and is very impressed. He goes across town and sees that Boudreaux has only installed 4.
He asks him "Why are you being so slow? The other guys have done 24 already!"
Boudreaux say, "Yeah dere much faster, but you go back and look how much dey left sticking outta de ground!"

Boudreaux's Obituary
Boudreaux's wife go to the local newspaper and say she want to put in the Obituary Column that Boudreaux died. They told her it would be $1.00 per word. She said, "Here $2.00. You put in dere dat BOUDREAUX DIED."
Editor said, "Surely you want more dan dat."
She say, "Mais, no, just Boudreaux died."
The editor said, "Well, you're a little upset. Brought youself back here tomorrow and you will probably tink of somethin' else."
Wife come back next day, and say, "Yeh, I taught of somethin else, here $5.00. You write BOUDREAUX DIED, BOAT FOR SALE."

Boudreax Goes To Vegas
Boudreaux go from work one night, late one night, and he hears a voice what be inside his head. The voice tell him, "Hey Boudreaux, quit you job, sell you house, take you money, and go to Vegas."
Boudreaux is very disturbed at what he hears but ignores the voice. The next day when he gets home from work, the same thing happens. The voice tells him, "Quit you job, sell you house, take you money, go to Vegas."
Again Boudreaux ignores the voice. Every day, day after day, for about four or three days, Boudreaux hears the same voice when he gets home from work, "Quit you job, sell you house, take you money, and go to Vegas." Each time he hears the voice he becomes increasingly upset. Finally, after two weeks, Boudreaux can't stood it no more. He quits his job, sells his house, takes his money and heads to Vegas.
The moment he get off the plane in Vegas, the voice tells him, "Go to Harrahs."
So, he hop in a cab and rushes over to Harrahs. As soon as he set foot in the casino, the voice tells him, "Go to the roulette table."
Boudreaux does what he is told.
When he get to the roulette table, the voice say, "Put all you money on 56."
Nervously, Boudreaux cash in his money for chip and then he put them all on 56. The dealer, he say good luck and spin dem wheel. Around and around the ball jump. Boudreaux watches the ball as it jump around, loses speed until finally settle into number 32.
"Damn Boudreaux!" say the voice!!

Thibodeaux Checks Da Lights
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were heading out to go fishing. Boudreaux wanted to check the boat trailer lights. So he tells Thibodeaux to go out back and check the lights. Thibodeaux shouted press the brakes, both lights came on and he shouted, "It works!"
Then Boudreaux put on the right turn signal and Thibodeaux shouted, "It works, it don't!, it works, it don't!, it works, it don't!"

Boudreaux Becomes A Pilot
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are out looking for a job. They are walking by some building with a sign that says "Pilots Wanted". So Thibodeaux tells Boudreaux "Mais Boudreaux. You're a pilot, you should go get dat job!"
So Boudreaux go inside and he tells da manager dat he is a pilot, with 20 years experience. The manager immediately hires him. Boudreaux come back out and tells Thibodeaux he got da job. Thibodeaux says "Mais, if you can get dat job, den I can to!" He goes inside and talks to the manager. The manager asks him, "So you're a pilot like Boudreaux? I really need more pilots."
Thibodeaux responds "No, I shovel manure."
The manager replies "I'm sorry, but I really have no need for that."
Thibodeaux, confused, asks "Mais, you just hired Boudreaux!"
The manager responds "Yes, he's a pilot."
Thibodeaux laughs and says "Mais boug, I got you on dis one here...you see, ole Boudreaux can't pile it unless I shovel it!"

Boudreaux Wins Da Lottry
Boudreaux won the ten million dollar Louisiana Lotto drawing. So early Monday morning he drives to Lotto headquarters in Baton Rouge to collect his winnings.
Boudreaux tells the clerk, "I won the Lotto and I come to collect my money, eight million dollar."
The clerk tells him "I am sorry Mr. Boudreaux but we don't give all the money at one time, we will pay you four hundred thousand dollars for the next twenty years."
Boudreaux tells the clerk "Cher, I don't want to wait no twenty years for my money I want it today and all of it!"
Again she tells him "I am sorry sir but that's not the way it works."
Boudreaux blood began to boil and he tell the clerk, "Looky here lady, if you can't give me all of my money today fine! Here is your ticket, now you give me back my dollar!"

Boudreaux Gets Trapped
One morning Boudreaux stuck a splinter under his fingernail. So, he went to the docteur. The docteur say, "Mais Boudreaux dat must hurt! I'm gone have to stick a needle in your finger to deaden it up so I can get dat outta dere."
Boudreaux say "Doc just go pull it out. I can take it."
The docteur say "Mais Boudreaux dat gone hurt."
Boudreaux say "Dat's OK Doc I done had the two worse pains dere is in the world. Just pull it out."
The docteur say "Mais non Boudreaux you don't onerstand...dat's gone hurt bad!"
Boudreaux say "Mais doc I can take it. I done had de two worst pains in the world. Just go get it out!"
The docteur, he say "Mais OK but hole on Boudreaux!"
Boudreaux holds still sweating buckshot but the doc finally gets the splinter out. The docteur say "Mais Boudreaux I just wouldn't believe you stand dat! I just gotta know man what was the two worst pains in the world worst than that?"
Boudreaux say "Well doc I was duck huntin' a while back in the swamp when here come some ducks. Mais, I stoop down in that water to hide when one of them nutria traps got me right in the groin!! Mais. dat was the second worst pain in the world!!"
The docteur, him say "Poo yie Boudreaux dat musta hurt! But what could be worst than dat?"
Boudreaux, he say "Mais doc the worst pain was when I got to the end of that CHAIN!!!!!!"

Da Fishin' Pole
Boudreaux is walking down the road when he's approached by his friend, Thibodeaux, who is carrying a very long bamboo fishing pole, and a yardstick. They stop and talk awhile, when Thibodeaux stands the fishing pole straight up in the air, and attempts to reach the very top with the yardstick. Seeing it won't work, Boudreaux yanks the pole from Thibodeaux's hands , lays it on the sidewalk and measures it.
"There you go; it's 12 feet long", says Boudreaux.
Thibodeaux, upset and very irritated, grabs the yardstick and yells to Boudreaux, "You fool!! I don't want to know how long it is!! I want to know how high it is!'

Boudreaux meets the Devil
Ole Boudreaux, he die and he don't go up! When he get down there, that old devil put Boudreaux in a room by himself. The Devil, he crank up the heat and come back an hour later. "How you like that?" Devil asks.
"Ah my cher, it be just like a summer day down in the quarter of Nawlins" say Boudreaux.
Devil he crank up the heat some more. When he come back, Boudreaux is sweating, done got his shirt off and panting for air. "Now how you like that?" say the Devil.
"Ah my, it's just like when we was down on dem bayou in the summer a catching dem catfish and boiling them crawdads!" say Boudreaux.
Old Devil, him get mad. He reach up there and turn the heat down. Way down about -40 degree, and leave.
When he come back, Boudreaux is in there shivering, he got the ice on his nose and hair, teeth chattering.....Devil asks "OK now, you cajun, now how you like dat?"
Boudreaux say "It's so cold! My friend, I just can't believe it, I done won so much money I don't know where to spend it!"
Devil asks "What you mean?"
Boudreaux say "This is hell, right?"
Devil say "Yeah."
Boudreaux say "Well if it's this cold, the Saints must have won dem Superbowl!"

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